Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize