Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
