If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize