i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
