apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
