ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
