I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
