i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
