It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize