My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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