i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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