Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why do cheetos always look like penises
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
