Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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