Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
