thus making me awesome and them whores
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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