i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
