I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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