i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
