i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
