If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize