please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
