i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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