CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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