How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
