I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
