Define "chronic" masturbator.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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