dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
