So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize