tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
