roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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