Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
