4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
