why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
