It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How's work?
Spinning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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