Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
