Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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