I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
