Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
