Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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