I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
