anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
