i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
