I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
