farters have to be the big spoon...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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