please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
