Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
