he was CRYING into my vagina
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
