I wish I only lived at night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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