All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
