im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
