Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
