I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
