the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
