I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
