Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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