Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
