Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
