I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
