I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
