Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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