My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
