Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize