Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I love having hate sex.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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