I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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