it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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