can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
