You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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