He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
