The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
