I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
