Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
