Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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